Posted by: soapchix | November 6, 2007

They Just Didn’t Specify Which Country…..

I’m not sure where or how to begin this post. For those of you catching up on what the Soap Chix have been up to, we just participated in the Colorado Country Christmas Show in Denver. OK, I’ll start with the fact that the people who ran the show (for right now we’ll just call them Those Who Shall Not Be Named (yet)….I’m not drunk enough to mention names…) FAILED to mention that the “Country” in question was China.  As in “Made in China.” Yes, folks, every conceivable item coated with plastic or blinking with  twinkly lights or potentially contaminated with lead or that one could only find on late night infomercials was sold at this Craptacular show. Walking through the Show one could see a carnie, er…um… vendor with a headset yelling at people to “look at the power of this A-Maaaaaazing cheese grator!” Or one could stare at a booth filled with trip-inducing lighted waterfall pictures where the water looks like it is actually moving! (Why don’t I have one of those magic picture boxes!? In fact, get me four of them things!) Or you could allow one of the vendors to assault you with a stupid massage pillow that felt like having a pack of wild squirrels trapped in a pillow case draped over your weary shoulders. (Sign me up for one of those, too). With all of the fancy plastic crappola glittering around you, one might ask, “where is the fine quality handcrafted items that I expected at a Christmas Gift show?” Well, dear reader…YOU might ask that, but unfortunately 5,ooo persons from Colorado that visited the Colorado Craptacular didn’t ask that question.

The few vendors that didn’t sell anything that glowed, whirled, played annoying-ass music or vibrated (get your minds out of the gutter) were all placed together, fortunately, where we took refuge with one another. We all watched as hordes of mindless sheep wandered by our festive booths in search of bubble wands, extra-large super-chamois cloths, chenille worms on a stick (I’m not making that up) and lighted glass boxes with decorative bows on the top (also very real).  Let’s not forget fat decorative ugly Santas that would have scared the bajeezus out of my kids….people loved them some fat Santas….and only the finest fat Santas made in China, of course.

But wait, there’s more! Imagine trying to sell your precious items that you gave up sleep to create to these people while having to listen to Mariah Freaking Carey over-singing Christmas music in an endless loop ALL DAY LONG. Over and over again we had to listen to what Mariah F. Carey wants for Christmas and I’ll be real honest here….I just don’t care what she wants. Tiff even asked Those Who Shall Not Be Named (yet) to please cut the Mariah music, please, and even though the weasel agreed that the music was horrid he did nothing to stop it. 

But now that we are back in our cozy homes and away from the craziness we can try to look back and appreciate some of the fun moments that we managed to have. And we did manage to have fun; we always do. Maybe in a day or two Tiff or I will be ready to write about those moments. Right now I just need to pretend that most of this past weekend just didn’t happen.



  1. I see you guys made it home from the china show. Good luck on your next show with those idiots from “The ones who won’t be named”.

    The other Serendipity

  2. Well, one does have to have a venue to unload all of the lead-filled crap from China! It’s too bad that it has to be at a supposed Christmas Craft show.

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